Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
