i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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