So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of course I have a pirate flag
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
