This girl is more easily done than said...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
