My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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