is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
