Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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