I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
