just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
