Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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