what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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