Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize