i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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