I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
