I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
