A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
No subtext here. People are naked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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