Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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