ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk is not a location!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
