you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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