from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
