HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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