yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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