i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You took a bar mat shot.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
