I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
