hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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