D3 body, D1 cock
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
