i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The air was thick with penises
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
