Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
