I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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