we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
