do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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