The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
