Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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