also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
