Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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