She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
