More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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