if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
