Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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