I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
