just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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