Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
