you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
