Don't you send me to vm
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
