so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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