Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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