I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
