woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize