So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i dont even know how to be here
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize