I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
