The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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