On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize