you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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