I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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