well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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