Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
