butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
