He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
