what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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