508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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