At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
