apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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