Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
