I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
