I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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