Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
