I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
