Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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