I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
