Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
