I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
